KRaZy KiK AsS Ko0Ky KrEEpY KaL Of Ko0LNesS

Saturday, June 07, 2003:

Hi, been a week since i wrote in my blog, but it feels like it has been months. Well man unfortunate things have happened to me since the last time i wrote in this blog, apparently im a horrible person, not good enough for anyone not even my friends, who were my only source of friendship, hope, and the will to procede. If i dont have them, then who am i?? am i even worth to be seen in the face of humanity? i felt like they understood me but they dont, all good things must end (its a lesson that i have learned many times) apparently my good attributes lay forgotten and my bad ones are all that are rememberd, guess my bad outweighs my good. Well today i set out and i drove around not seeking the meaning of life, (that i always do) not seeking love, not seeking friendship, i just left for the sake of leaving a sense of an escape from life from my hell. I rememberd of the creek me and monica used to goto on Topanga canyon. I took 10 west which became PCH and a right on Topanga canyon road (beautiful road truly scenic) full of turns in the middle of two extra green mountain ranges overlooking the ocean its beautiful. Me and Monica used to go there all the time we loved going there. Then i went to the creek which i havent been to since the day i lost her, that very same creek she gave me my first kiss (good memories) i felt the same magic i felt when me and her were there a long time ago. Deep in the forest we used to have pikniks sitting next to the flowers next to the creek while the trees over us gave us shade, and the nice valley breeze, was great to be there. Then feeling disgusted by mylife, my mere presence in which i see as such a holy place, my defilement of it how could i stand there i ran back to my car, put on my vanessa carelton cd ( i dont care what you say I think she is cool) and drove through the canyon again, towards the valley away from malibu. Then i went to a park which i had never seen before it was so cool, its full of hiking and shit, and im thinking ill take my friends when they become that again or maybe some new friends that i might find and go there to hike and shit. Well i was hungry so i ate at Carl's J then i drove back home in the sunset through the canyons overlooking the beach, remembering how good life was back then as a kid, how ignorant and happy i was, I really do understand that song Back in the Days now. So yeah i got back home and here i am typing my daily bull shit. Well to tell this to anyone who might be reading this in the future dont get attached to anything not friends not family not even a loved one because they WILL leave you whether you like it or not, whether it be pure hate or an accident they will go and you will be left alone in this world lost by yourself. My condlolences to anyone who got hurt or died in the plane crash incident that happened near my house yesterday.
Kal // 6/07/2003 08:57:00 PM

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