KRaZy KiK AsS Ko0Ky KrEEpY KaL Of Ko0LNesS

Thursday, March 13, 2003:

Hey all, well today was a good day maybe things are getten better for me, well same ol samo went to skoo and stuff lol. Well Mr. Fette my choir teacher's grand ma is dying and hes not gonna be here tommorow or next week, as he has to drive to Texas, man i feel so sorry for him, everyone just hates him because hes gay, what the hell is that, hes a cool person and a good teacher but no one likes him or takes him seriously just due to that fact that hes gay, im sorry but people who are homophobic are so stupid, gay people have feelings and thoughts too, they are human and should be treated in such a matter, whatever there sexual prefrence doesnt make them any less human than the rest of us, well i say this because i used to be a hardcore homophobe i used to rant oh fags and many other derogatory terms towards them well ive change maybe im maturing i doubt that is the case. Well i just feel sorry for him no one takes him seriously everyone looks at him as a joke, and i feel sorry that people have to be so rude to him just because he is so nice. Well i didnt goto battle of the bands cuz i went yesterday and it waznt that great, its not the lack of talent in the bands (although many peeps disagree wit me on that) it was the system they had was all messed up, everyband that went up used the same amp and the bass and reverb is all you can hear, while the lead and supporting guitar was barely even noticable, while the mic was too low, if they had better control and taken the time to set up correctly it wouldnt of been that bad, im goin tommora cuz cave man (henry) is playen hes da hommie and he is a guitar genious so i have to see his band play. So after skoo me and Kalani (fellow Kal) walk up and down school then took the 71 MTA to universal where we played some x box at sam goody bought Kalani a britney spears poster (yes he is a britney spears hardcore fan) and then we saw the movie tears of the sun, and that movie was so damn sweet it was hardcore cool. reminded me of my old days at mil camp when we used to do scirmishs i was a hardcore sniper leader of alpha team, i was so sweet, wish i could be the old kal with that enormus level of sweetness, well dont worry we used aluminum tipped hollow Mag'z (bullets) so they didnt peirce the skin well some did they juss hurt like a bitch so it was live fire but wit somewhat harmless ammunition. So the movie i dont want to spoil it is about Lt that what the call him who was played by bruce Willus, save like a whole mess of Nigerian refugees. Well it remined me of the hate in the world as the civil war in Nigeria did exisit and it was sad, all the hate and the murder that can be done. Then with my wandering mind started knowing of other conflicts like the in the Filipenes, and Afganistan. Then images of mass bodies a virtual genocide started forming in my mind and i realize how can so much hate be created how can greed just create something so horrondus. Then i start thinking of real genocides that occured as with the Armenians, and the Jews who went through many genocides in Spain, in Russia, and the most famous one that we know which occured in Germany under the rule of that tyrant Adolf Hitler. I also think of what happened in Sudan back in 1990, and those horrible images of whole villages being slain engulfed in flames as people run around burning alive, and the genocide that is happening in Palestine right now, which goes virtually unnoticed as the media covered is being swayed by whats happening in Iraq and N. Korea. I see and imagine all this hate and suffering and i realize, what is man's potential? to kill each other by making weapons that kill faster and better?? what makes us humans different from animals is are brain we have a bigger cerebral cortex, so we can think but are we really better than animals?? they kill to eat survive and ward off enemies for protection of their own land, humans just kill for the sake of doing so, and often for greedy ambitous purposes. I just fail to see the reasoning behined all this madness. Well i am in no position to speak as i have done acts unspeakable of, things that i regret doing and will regret for the rest of my life, Im in no position to judge the way things are because i used to do the same horrible acts of violence and murder and I juss wish i can go back in time and change it, juss all the pain and suffering that i have caused to other people and i realized what i used to do and be proud of has caused misery and pain to others and indeed im truly sorry for that and nothing i can say or do will redeem actions to what i have done in the past. damn im rambling sensless shit again lol. so today was kik ass, and i kiked it wit kalani he is so cool man, and he gives me these tuna sandwichs that his mom makes which are soooo damn good (thx kalani and kalanis mom) so yeah man hes a good freind. Well i have english and gov HW to attend to and goto work afterwords so ill see u guys later. Peace
Kal // 3/13/2003 10:22:00 PM

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Sunday, March 09, 2003:

hi all, well Ive had a great weekend i guess, on friday i was supposed to kik it wit sergy and isaac and some white chix, we were supposed to meet up at the grove at like 6:30 so i get home at like 4 and im like okay let me get 1 hour of sleep before i go and i time my alarm clock, and goto sleep and next minute i wake up the next day at 9 in da mornin and im like WTF happened. I look at my alarm clock to see the cord pulled out i ask my mom what happened she said it was ringing for like an hour so she pulled the cord, im like wow all that ringing and i didnt wake up i guess its cause i owe my body like more than a 100 hrs of sleep. Well on saturday something really good happened to me, well it was scary at first but i pulled through and i look back to find it as a great experience but sorry i cant say what happened. well today i juss sat in my room, went to work nothing special, and then thoughts of monica started popping back in my head the depression just started then i see luis body on the floor with is head twisted sideways and his throat slit, then i think of mike wit his head blown off as i saw him at the morgue, and then i keep replaying in my mind that one time they cut my uncles legs off and he still dies, and watching him getting his legs cut off wit nothing to dull the pain is not a good site or image to bear, then i think of sandre who i saw in my own eyes get shanked in the throat and im juss thinking of all my other freinds who i have lost and images of pain and horror fill my mind, then the hatred at the world starts and i try to block it and i do succesfully but then the extreme depression starts, and the questioning of why i am here, i always find myself playing tu pac music like if wonder if heaven got a ghetto or changes juss kiken back to the beat, so if u guys ask me kal why do u do the drugs, my answer is to rid myself of those thoughts and to put me in a large field full of flowers i juss lay there, or on top of a cliff overlooking an ocean with the sunset, i rather imagine those images, then face a reality of images that i normally have. Well rite now i feel like im gonna blow my head off yet i still persist on typing this crap, well to admit writing this crap does help releave all this shit n' stress in me. Well im gonna go smoke a bogie then goto work, have fun guys L8rz... kal :)
Kal // 3/09/2003 10:54:00 PM

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